The FullMetal Alchemist Interviews
by Full Fledged Alchemist
-Interview with Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist--Interview with an Idiot-
ff: So Roy, exactly how many woman have you dated in the last two years?
Roy: Well, I'm not at liberty to say exactly how many...
ff: Cough it up, pervy boy.
Roy: Pervy? *gloom, gloom*
ff: Fine, fine, next question. What are your feeling towards, First Lt. Riza Hawkeye, exactly?
Roy: She's an excellent worker and very punctual...
ff: You know very well that is not what I meant.
Roy: Then what did you mean?
ff: *Sigh* Next question....how do you feel about the Fullmetal Alchemist? (Romantically speaking, of course.)
Roy: Wha-what!?! I don't like other men!!!
ff: Sorry, yaoi fans, I guess you're out of luck.
Roy: *rocking back and forth in a dark corner, whimpering*
ff: So, Mustang, why miniskirts?
Roy: Why not? They're cooler and they allow for more....pleasurable viewing...
ff: That's so wrong.....
Havoc, Furery, Fullman: *pop in the doorway* We'll follow you forever!!!!
Roy: Stop stalking me!!!
ff: So, Roy, kids. How many you got? Seriously.
Roy: *Jumps up* THAT'S A PATHETIC RUMOR AND YOU KNOW IT!!!
ff: Oh, do I? Funny I awhile back I heard some woman talking and...
Roy: YOU LYING-!!!!!
ff: Watch your language, this is rated PG-13....
Roy: Grr....
ff: So when are you going to settle down and get a wife?
Roy: *Noble pose* Never!!!! I will not deprive the women of a specimen such as I!!!!!
ff: *sweatdrop* I heard you were trying to make some moves on Hughes' wife...
Roy: That's not true!!!! I mean she's very beautiful but still Hughes' wife??? Where did you get that!?!
ff: *holds up a snapshot of Mustang and Glacia*
Roy: GET THAT OUT OF HERE!!!!
ff: So. Who do you think would win in a battle between you and Fullmetal?
Roy: Well, me of course! I mean, I'm a better alchemist, I'm better looking, I'm braver, I'm more experienced....
ff: And older...
Roy: What was that!?!
ff: Can you do any other alchemy besides fire?
Roy: Well...yes! Of course I can!!
ff: Prove it.
Roy: Okay, sorry my beloved fans that's all I have time for today. *waves* Good-bye!! *runs out of the room*
ff: *sweatdrop* That wasn't thirty minutes -_-".....
-Interview with an Idiot-
-End-
Interview with Alphonse ElricInterview with the Kitty Alchemist
ff: Hello, everybody, today we will be interviewing Alphonse Elric.
Al: *bows* Hello everyone.
ff: So first question, who really looks after who? Do you look after Ed or does Ed look after you?
Al: Well....technically Ed's supposed to look after me but.....really...I look after him more..
ff: Ha!!! I know it! The truth comes out at last!!
Al: *laughs* But more or less we take care of each other.
ff: *nods* I'll take that, now where do you get all these kitties you pick up??
Al: Sometimes....when Ed's asleep and we're in a new town I'll go out and find strays and feed them...but then they follow me back to the hotel and I have to hide them...*gloom, gloom*
ff: What do you miss the most, that you used to do but can't do now?
Al: Hm..that's tough...feeling probably, I can't feel the rain on my face or grass beneath my feet.
ff: What about eating?
Al: Yeah, definately miss eating.
ff: What's your favorite food?
Al: Hm...also a toughie, probably my mom's apple pie..*rubs stomach* I still remember the taste...
ff: Let's talk about Izumi, so how hard was your guys' training?
Al: *shivers uncontrollably* Hell...on...Earth...
ff: Yikes, what's one thing you don't miss about being normal?
Al: Getting bruised up after sparring against my brother.
ff: So is it true, were you really taller than your brother?
Al: *evil eyes* Yup.
ff: *evil grin* By how much?
Al: Two inches.
ff: Hahahaha, bet Ed didn't like that.
Al: Not a bit. And I still won't let him forget that my real body was taller than he was....
Ed: That's not fair you jerk!!!
ff: Hey, it's not your turn yet!! *Gets up and pushes Ed out the door and locks it* Now stay outta here you bean!
Ed: *muffled* Bean!!! You-lemme at 'er!!! Lemme at 'er!
Izumi: Oh be quiet!!!!
WAM!
ff and Al: *flinch*
Al: Ouch...
ff: Um...was that Izumi-sensai?
Al: *nods*
ff: *shivers* I've got to interview her soon.....
Al: Just don't make her mad.
ff: So, Al-kun was it a running joke that you don't have a girlfriend?
Al: Because no one wants a guy who doesn't have a body....*gloom, gloom*
ff: *Raises hand* I'll be your girlfriend! ^o^
Al: *blink, blink* What!?! Really!?!
ff: *nods head at light speed* Yup, yup, yup!!
Al: *waterfall tears* I can't believe it!! I have a girlfriend! But what's your real name, it can't really be ff....
ff: My real name is-*whisper whisper* **smiles** And that's where we end for now everybody!
Al: *waves* Bye!
-Interview with the Kitty Alchemist-
-End-
Interview with Edward Elric, the Fullmetal AlchemistInterview with a Bean
ff: Welcome back everyone!! Today we're interviewing Edward Elric!! So Ed, I see you woke up....
Ed: *evil glare* It's your fault Izumi knocked me out anyway!!!
ff: ^^" Well.....
Ed: And further more....*glares at the title up above* 'Interview with a Bean'!?! What's that supposed to mean!?!
ff: ^^ Exactly as it says. An. Interview. With. A. Bean.
Ed: ...you're an evil person...
ff: But of course! *motions to Ed who is tied to the chair in front of her* Why do you think I tied you up? I am now free to make as many short puns as I want!!!
{Sorry Edo fans.}
Ed: *goes into one of his little fits and kicks around trying to get out of the ropes* Lemme at 'er!! Lemme at 'er!!!
ff: *completely ignores Ed* So Edward......what's up between you and Winry?
Ed: NOTHING!!!! ABOSOULUTELY-
ff: *holds up a bunch of yaoi fan art* ^^ What about you and the colonel? You and Envy? You and your brother?
Ed: O.o What....what are those things?????
ff: This...is yaoi. ^^ So what's your favorite couple? Seems like you make out with a lot of people in your spare time....
Ed: I DO NOT!!!! That's...just....disgusting... *glances at a picture that landed on the floor* O.o Oh my god what am I doing to the colonel in that picture!?!
ff: ^^ I think you're making out with him.....
Ed: O.o Those things need to be burned!!!
ff: *still flipping through fanart* O.o Holy....I've never seen this pairing before...
Ed: Oh god, what now?
ff: *holds up a picture of Ed and Armstrong*
Ed: O.o
Ed and ff: Ewwwww!!!!!!!
ff: *shivers* Okay...time to put these up.... *throws pictures into the trash can* Now to the real questions!! ^^
Ed: How much longer do I have to put up with this torture!?!
ff: ^^ Quite a bit longer.
Ed: But everybody else wasn't in here for very long!!!
ff: ^^ Well you're the main character! Of course your interview is longer!
Ed: Nooo!!! *struggles against the chains* Lemme out!!! Lemme out!!
ff: ^^" Oh calm down, I'm not that bad....
Ed: Yes you are!
ff: So Ed, tell me.....what's your dream height?
Ed: *evil glare* You just like to toy with me.
ff: And that too. Now answer the question.
Ed: *mumbles*
ff: Sorry, I didn't catch that.
Ed: 5"6".
ff: Wow, that's my height!!! Hey, wait a minute, how tall are you now!?!
Ed: *mumble, mumble*
ff: I can't hear you...
Ed: Grr...shut up!
ff: Fine, fine, next question. Why haven't you asked Winry out yet!?!
Ed: >.< I don't like that mecha otaku!!!!
ff: Yeah...sure. *pulls out a huge dictionary and slams him on the head*
Ed: OWWWWWW!!!! YOU EVIL LADY!!! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?!
ff: Lier.
Ed: I AM NO-
ff: *holds the dictionary up*
Ed: *clams up*
ff: Now..tell the truth.
Ed: *stubbornly shakes his head*
ff: Grr...that's not fair. You can't just not talk for the next five questions!!
Ed: *grins*
ff: Alright, I'll skip that one. When are you going to get your brother's body back? I can't kiss a suit! (Well...I could but that would look rather odd...)
Ed: As soon as I get the philosopher's stone!!! --I still can't believe he's going out with someone like you....
ff: What was that? *pulls out a little red stone*
Ed: O.o Is that the philosopher's stone!?!
ff: ^^ Nope. This is the sorcerer stone, I'm holding it for a friend of mine...
Ed: *sweatdrop* You're just plain evil.
ff: ^^ Really? What was your first impression?
Ed: *sweatdrop*
ff: *glances at the clock* Well, looks like we're out of time! *pulls out a key and unchains Ed* You're free to go, Edward!!
Ed: *walking towards the door* I'm gonna get you back for today.
ff: ^^ Do your worst.
Ed: *evil grin* I will.
-Interview with a Bean-
-End-
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